SQA KOTOR Edition: Atton Rand
by Kawe n' Wessie
Summary: SQA Song Quote Association A series of Atton oneshots/songfics Spoiler Warning for Knights of the Old Republic II
1. I'm Too Sexy

**SQA**

**I'm too Sexy**

Disclaimer: We own nothing, don't sue. We don't even own the line "Life support systems failure. Check oxygen levels at once." And we probably don't even own the plot... ah well enjoy!

BLAST! I broke the thingamadoo that's connected to the zumahinker! Now the whatchamacallit is going to implode! Oh force we're screwed! Where _is_ Atton when you need him?!

10 minutes Previously...

"You sure you can hand it, General? It's not that difficult, but it if the compression coil isn't connected properly it can make a mess." Bao-Dur asked from the entrance to the Ebon Hawk's engine room.

Looking up from the mass of wiring, I nodded. "Don't worry, Bao, I do have _some_ experience with mechanics. It'll be fine. Go on, you deserve a rest."

Bao looked at me dubiously. "Just don't blow us up, okay General?"

I chuckled. "I'll do my best."

With a final look at the engines, Bao reluctantly left me to finish the repairs. I knew from the beginning I was screwed. The Hawk's engine is just a little bit more complicated than my lightsaber.

Present

After a few frantic minutes of running around the Hawk, looking for Atton, I heard music... coming from the dorms. I decided to go check it out. I mean he _could_ be listening to some music... As I walked unnoticed towards the entrance, I could make out the words of someone singing...

"_I'm too sexy for my love, too sexy for my love, love's going to leave me."_

I gawked at the sight before me. **Atton** was dancing around the dorm, singing into...wait was that MY hairbrush?! And that's not the worst part... He was wearing a leopard-print speedo. Oh force.

"_I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts. And I'm too sexy for Milan, too sexy for Milan, New York and Japan. And I'm too sexy for your party. Too sexy for your party, no way I'm disco dancing"_

As he sang and danced, I noticed he had his eyes closed. He didn't notice me. I had a brilliant idea. As I crept away I called for T3. Atton continued to sing as T3 arrived just in time and seemed to know what I wanted him to do.

"_I'm a model you know what I mean. And I do my little turn on the catwalk, yeah on the catwalk, on the catwalk yeah! I do my little turn on the catwalk."_

When the word "catwalk" came on he did a Force Hair Gel trademark hair toss. Like in the commercials for the medium hold. I had to clamp my hand over my mouth so as not to burst out in a mad fit of laughter.

"_I'm too sexy for my car, too sexy for my car, too sexy by far. And I'm too sexy for my hat, too sexy for my hat. What do you think about that?"_

As he sang, Atton was strutting around the room shaking his hips as he walked. I was forced to sit down as I shook from the laughter. Atton would _never_ live this down.

"_I'm a model you know what I mean. And I do my little turn on the catwalk, yeah on the catwalk, on the catwalk yeah! I shake my little tush on the catwalk."_

Atton had his back to me at this point, so I got a nice view of him shaking his tush on his catwalk.

"_I'm too sexy for my, too sexy for my, too sexy for my... Cat!"_

Since when does he own a cat? Is he referring to the leopard-print speedo? Oh force. What am I going to do with him?

"_'Cos I'm a model you know what I mean, and I do my little turn on the catwalk. Yeah on the catwalk, on the catwalk yeah! I shake my little tush on the catwalk"_

Atton kept shaking his little tush on his catwalk while singing. The song was almost over, and Atton decided to sing even louder.

"_I'm too sexy for my cat, too sexy for my cat. Poor pussy, poor pussy cat. I'm too sexy for my love, too sexy for my love, love's going to leave me."_

Oh force, oh force! He _did_ mean his speedo! He had hooked his thumbs into the front and was twisting like a snake right up close to my face. FRAK! He will _never _forgive me for this!

"_And I'm too sexy for this song."_

And with that Atton turned around and opened his eyes to see me trying to control my laughter. I failed. The look on his face was priceless.

"W-w-what are you doing here!?"

"I think the better question is: Where did you get that speedo, and how long has it been on the ship?"

"Uhhh... that's for me to know and you too...not. Anyways see something you liked?"

"That's for me to know and the rest of the crew to have their opinion on." I was grinning like a madwoman. "T3! Run!"

Atton's eyes were like saucers. He gave me a 'no, you couldn't have... Frak, you did' look, before starting to chase after me. He stopped when we got to the common area where the rest of the crew sat already watching his little show. He looked down and saw that he was still wearing nothing but the speedo.

Mira looked up from the recording. "Nice 'tush' Atton, but your catwalk is slightly lacking."

"General, why exactly did you spend so much time watching Atton?"

"Yeah, why were you watching me for that long anyways?"

I felt my cheeks redden. "I though it was funny. And besides, I'm not the one who is _still_ in nothing but a speedo... A _leopard-print_ one at that."

It was Atton's turn to become red in the face. He mumbled something incoherent and raced out of the room, probably to find some pants.

It was then that we noticed a beeping noise. A strange, disembodied voice spoke:

"Life support systems failure. Check oxygen levels at once."

"Umm, General? Did you fix the compression coil?"

"Uhhh..."

_**fin**_


	2. Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?

SQA

Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?

Disclaimer: We own nothing. Song is property of Tiny Tim.

...

We sat in the Cantina on Nar Shaddaa, drinking our stress away. Atton, it seems, was taking this a little to literally. He was swaying happily to the beat, I'd lost count of how many drinks he'd had. When we'd gotten here, we'd been having a marginally intelligent conversation. Though now, he'd lost all sense of intellect.

Atton turned to me and asked, "Are we leaving soon?"

I sighed, "Yes, have you enjoyed your drinks?"

"... Do ya think I'm sexy?"

"What?"

He just grinned his I'm-a-scoundrel-and-you-know-you-love-me grin and hopped up off his stool. He stripped down to just his pants and boots, his jacket lying forgotten on his bar stool.

He turned to the bartender and said something I couldn't understand. Music began to play as he walked over to me.

To my great embarrassment he started to sing,

"_Sugar, Sugar mmmm. Do ya think I'm sexy baby? mmmm Do ya think I'm sexy? Ahh!"_

"Atton? What the FRAK do you think you're doing?! Stop!"

He didn't listen. He just kept on going.

"_She sits alone, waiting for suggestions. He's so nervous of hiding all the questions. His lips are dry, her heart is gently pounding dont you just know, exactly what they're thinking?"_

I really didn't want to know what 'they're' thinking... But it seems I was going to find out anyways...

"_If you want my body, and you think im sexy, c'mon sugar let me know! And if you really need me, just reach out and touch me, c'mon honey tell me so!"_

As he sang the chorus, Atton was hanging off my arm and shoving his face right up close to mine. I attempted to push him off but, force he has a strong grip!

"_He's acting shy waiting for an answer, c'mon honey, lets spend the night together!"  
_

Wait. No. WHAT?! Oh no. Please no! He doesn't actually _mean _that does he?! And why am I not sure if I mind that or not?...

"_Hold on a minute, before we go on farther, give me a dime, so I can call my father. They catch a cab to his high rise apartment. At last he can tell her exactly what his heart meant." _

While singing, Atton put his thumbs through his belt-loops, and I could see the very same leopard print speedo poking out.

Oh Force. Turning, I looked for Mira, who had been in the Cantina with us, with the hope of a rescue. My hopes were dashed when I found her, half off her barstool from laughing. Giving her the dirtiest look I could muster, I was about to swear at her, when what Atton was doing called for my attention.

"_If you want my body, and you think im sexy c'mon sugar let me know! And if you really need me, just reach out and touch me, cmon honey tell me so_!"

Atton was sitting on my lap with his arms wrapped round me. I was struggling to push him off me, but when I succeeded he just got on his knees and wrapped himself around my legs.

I kept wondering, _'Why am I not hating this as much as I should?'_

"_His heart's beating like a drum 'Cause at last he's got his girl home! Relax, baby, now were alone!"_

As he sang the word _alone_ I looked around the Cantina to find that we were...alone. Sigh, there was apparently no hope for rescue now...

"_They wake at dawn 'cause all the birds are singing. two total strangers but that ain't what they're thinking  
Outside it's cold, misty and it's raining..."  
_

I sit there letting him dance around and sing, since there's no hope for a rescue... The song can't go on for much longer... can it?

"_...they got each other, neither one's complaining. He say's I'm sorry but I'm out of milk and coffee. Never mind, sugar, we can watch the early movie." _

To my relief, Atton finally let go of my legs. To my horror, he jumped up on the bar and began using very dramatic and exaggerated movements that he performed to close to my face, for my liking...

"_If you want my body, and you think im sexy, c'mon sugar let me know! BABY BABY if you really need me, just reach out and touch me, c'mon honey tell me so!_"

His dancing kept getting more, and more elaborate as the chorus went on. He was now on his knees, in front of my face making pleading motions with his arms and hands.

"_If you want my body, and you think im sexy c'mon c'mon sugar let me know! If you really need me, just reach out, just reach out, and touch me, c'mon honey just tell me so!_"

As Atton did his big finish move, Bao burst through the Cantina doors. Ah, my savior.

"I finally managed to decipher what Mira was saying. General, are you all right?"

One look at my face and he was probably thinking that I'd just been traumatized.

"I'm okay Bao. Thanks for rescuing me."

Atton threw his arms around me, "Heeeey! Didn't cha like my sooong?"

"Not particularly no."

"Awww c'mon! You _know _you think I'm sexy!"

_**A/N**_ Hehe we just couldn't resist. It was to funny!

If you want Atton's leopard print speedo for your very own... REVIEW!


End file.
